Another glorious day to be alive and I am reminded of a poem I heard from Wayne Dyer, written by Rumi, that says, ” A breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you. Don’t go back to sleep”. He says God talks to us most in the quiet times of the morning. I have definitely been finding that a lot more lately.
Yesterday was a wonderful day, full of amazing people. My husband and my daughters t-shirt campaign is starting and the people at t shirts time Red Deer in the Bower mall, made me almost cry with gratitude. We wanted some shirts to sell at the Red Deer farmers market. My sixteen year old ,also talked about the possibility at school. So, they found some plan online to design the fundraiser. It was a work in progress. We have never done anything like this. Our task seems insurmountable. However, with God all things are possible. My only part to play in this is wake up every day. A strange but wonderful thought. We went to the t-shirts place in Bower Mall and the most beautiful woman, with a heart of Gold, told us that she was going to help us out. She gave us ideas and her boss helped us with the t-shirts. It was just overwhelming how much people are always loving people.
My daughter and her boyfriend took the project on with gusto and started designing stuff immediately. There love is so big and their passion was incredible. I was humbled by how much everyone wanted to help. Then friends and family on Facebook gave us more ideas and shared everything. Some even ordered shirts on the website that my husband tried to share of the designs my daughter made. It was so wonderful. However, the biggest part of all of this was the atmosphere shifted to hope.
When I first got diagnosed I was determined to live for my family. I had done everything in the stratosphere to keep my family safe from pain so me fighting this was not a guestion. Bring on the pain could handle it. I was almost crippled by the thought that I may be the one thing to cause them the most pain in their lives. It immobilized my thoughts all the time. I had taught them with God all things were possible and if I died I was afraid that I may rock their faith. A faith I had fought so hard to help them believe.
When the doctors said the cancer had moved into my brain and they really didn’t have any answers I couldn’t breathe. All I could think of was that my kids might believe that I gave up on them. After all, I taught them that with God all things were possible. If that were true, than it must mean I stopped believing, or I gave up. I didn’t know what to do. The great thing about my kids is they understand more than I ever gave them credit for. They all assured me that they didn’t believe either. If I was to die than it was part of a bigger plan and they never doubted my love for them. It was what allowed me to accept the circumstances and with that came the most profound joy and peace I have ever had. It also made me want to live for me.
I can’t say I live in peace and joy all the time. The pain and the steroids mess up my head. I have a fuzzy mind that is slow from the radiation and Chemotherapy. I forget the most simple things sometimes, but even in that have been great blessings. Without the quick response times I used to have, I have experienced sponge candy walking across my kitchen stove and have seen the birds land on my deck. Often times, listening becomes better with people, because I don’t have a response ready and waiting. That is the thing about life. Sometimes we go so fast we forget that we actually live here.
Today I get to experience more wonderful people with another Chemotherapy. We get to have shirts at the market tomorrow. I get to live another beautiful day and that is all that really matters. I wonder what secrets the breeze at dawn will have tomorrow.