I had the most profound experience yesterday. I was making a cheese cake, paying attention to my thoughts, and I actually laughed, very hard, out loud. I listened to myself saying things like:
“I must get this soft and fluffy”
” I need to hurry this up if it will be done by supper”
” I can’t taste the batter to make sure it’s ok because of raw egg and Chemotherapy”
” I must get this perfect”
“Ken hates wasting food so don’t screw this up”
This is actually just a few of the thoughts, because I am sure there were probably a thousand of them. In the meantime, of listening to these thoughts, I kept wondering why?
First off, I really never intended on making a cheese cake. We had some donated cream cheese that was going to go bad soonish and a Graham cracker crust in the cupboard. I saw them when I was looking in the fridge and a thought came to make a cheese cake. There was no reason to worry about waste, because they were going to be thrown out anyways if they went bad.
Second, I was trying an experiment of making a cheese cake in the instapot. If it turned out, or not, was actually part of the fun of an experiment.
Lastly, I was cooking the thing on a whim because I actually had the energy to do it at the time. I laughed so hard as I looked down and saw the simplest recipe right on the actual cream cheese package. This means I didn’t even have to search up a recipe. It magically appeared. Except the instapot timing. This was easily remedied through Google. So why the thoughts?
I saw it again as habit. I actually have a running script in my head with those thoughts all the time. I never really questioned them before because I was always living by them. I made the choice to be in the moment as best I can and choose happiness. By doing this, I seemed to seperate my thoughts and feelings because I chose to. Now I see some funny things about myself. I get myself stuck so that I won’t do anything easily. The easiest root to doing the cake was simply use the recipe that was on the package or the first Instapot Google recipe I found. No worrying necessary. Put the cake together and not worry about the outcome because it was just an experiment anyway. That is the most direct route right? Simple. Then the best part is simply enjoy the process.
So I watched the beater make the cheese, eggs, sugar, and butter blend up smoothly. Then I hear in my head maybe some lemon for tartness. So I put a little lemon in it. Then I continued to watch it get smoother and more fluffy. Some may think this boring. But I had nowhere to go. I had no thought of what had to happen next. I was just there.
In the end I got a cheese cake. It was good because really, if you like cheese cake, it is hard to have a bad one. The instapot sort of worked. We had to bake the top for a second, but I had a cheese cake in 40 min, as apposed to 3 hrs, so win on that one. It was so very simple.
I thought about how hard this job would have been before and how those thoughts would have stopped me from doing it. Then I wondered how many other tasks I have stopped myself from doing because my thoughts made them seem way bigger than they were. The simplest answer is probably every task. How ironic, that I am at a time in my life, where I seem to understand that I have nothing but time to do any task anymore, and yet I could have very little.
Oh well . I am alive right now. I am grateful I can write and share this. I am grateful you can share this and I am just genuinely happy. Oh ya and have left over cheese cake. 😊 Life is good. God Bless.