Another late start today. This is good, because it means I have gotten a bit more sleep again. This whole process has been about finding balance and I am learning how important it is to find a little bit of focus as well. The meds have had to balance out. Day by day it is a little more rest, but a little more side effects. I am seeing improvement though.
I have learned also, It is important to have selfishness . Too many of us believe that we should skip the dessert because too much indulgence leads to some kind of narcissism. I can attest that not feeding yourself leads to desperation. You can’t enjoy the thing that is your treat because you are constantly worried that you won’t ever be able to get it again. So you eat the whole cake in desperation. Which leads to a tummy ache. No win there.
I have learned, If you spend all of your time doing what you love , you don’t have time to make meals or schedule pills. Then chaos ensues. But if you are really lucky you love your work which kind of combines a few of the above, because than you have a reason to endulge and schedule. The more you can combine stuff the easier it is. Like for instance, I like folding laundry. So that’s my job. I do what I enjoy and I get less clutter around the house. Win win.
Ken is learning that if he does absolutely everything, all by himself, then he drops all the balls and starts to miss important things. Not to mention he is learning that sometimes there is no job big enough to pay for everything and sometimes you absolutely have to ask for help. He still struggles with schedule because he would much rather be scheduled than do scheduling. I tell him to ask someone for help with this and he doesn’t like asking for help. It makes me laugh sometimes how the optimal answer lies in asking someone to do the job they love anyways. The world is a funny place.
My children struggle where to find there places in all of this. My daughter says that if not for the pain and crazy moments from the steroid, I would be the ultimate Mom. But they don’t like watching me in pain sometimes.
Another really difficult one, I believe every one is struggling with in my family, but probably every family is change. I laughed last night as I ask the question ” I wonder if right now I would be ok with Ice Fishing”, since before I was afraid of everything. Ken said he didn’t know because I am not really afraid of anything. Then he proceeds to inform me about possibly wanting to go fishing one day but he knows I don’t like fishing. I have changed so much as a person that my family and I don’t really know who I am. It is a whole new learning experience.
But, like I said from the beginning, I need to learn focus. I am still not entirely good at it. I guess what I really want to say, because I love saying it, is love one another for the struggles because we all have them. Learn to ask for help and preferably to those who would love to do the work, since then you are asking them to do what they love anyways. Live each day with gratitude, because nobody actually knows how much time they have. And love people. We are all doing the best we can with what has been given. Above all this. Have faith and listen to God.
Wow. All these thoughts and I haven’t even had breakfast yet. I am grateful for sharing and I am grateful for you sharing. God Bless ❤️
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