Sometimes, when I try to explain God, I use different language for the different people I am talking to. The reason I do this is because not everyone believes in Christianity. I am personally ok with any belief. When I started my journey of faith I was very science based. It was actually science that brought me to God.
I remember a physics teacher saying to me once, that the earth was the exact distance from the moon, to make the atmospheres gravitational pull perfect enough to sustain life, without flying into the sun. I was wowed. How amazing is that?
I than began to look around for other things like that. I got interested in quantum physics. I looked at the randomness that became ordered and the basics of energy being indestructable. Basically I got really curious about the way the earth and the Universe worked.
As the curiosity grew, so did the pull towards a higher power. Then I discovered Celebrate Recovery and I found relationship with God. It was an amazing journey and all it really took was curiosity. God wants to be found. Seek and ye shall find.
Since the beginning of this Cancer journey; I have had to rely on faith and faith has never disappointed me. It works like this. I believe, I ask, I live in Joy, and I receive answers.
The other day, I wrote a list of things I needed to grow. I wrote things like, I need a solution to our garbage, recycling, compost issue. I wrote, I need to have solutions on how to make more money for the house and the cause. Then as I was finishing, I saw myself in a yoga pose.
I love yoga, in particular yin yoga. I like yin because I don’t have to get up and down a lot. I do better on the yoga matt. The issue is, I need a partner for this,because I have mobility issues, and my husband does not love yoga. Plus he is getting over burdened with stuff right now. I quickly wrote down I need a person who will help me get to yoga.
The nature of this list is to basically get it out into the Universe and help me see what I want. I generally leave it to God. I was never able to do this before because I like control. I would say Universe give me a yoga teacher and than I would go looking up all the best yoga places etc. This time though, I have been trying to give it all to the Universe ( aka God).
This morning I get a message from essentially a stranger. A lady who read a post I wrote and offered me friendship. She wrote, I am going to yin yoga at noon, would you like to go with me and maybe coffee after?
Well imagine my great pleasure and surprise. I thought about the old me and the thousand reasons I would have let fear say no. Than I laughed and said I would love too. I sat at my house waiting for a stranger to go to a strange new yoga. I was saying no to fear of “stranger danger”. I was saying no to my husband having to worry about me being without him and no walker this time. I was saying no to the possibility of me hurting myself and him not being there. It was interesting, the weird worries in both of our heads.
When this beautiful stranger showed up to my place, I recognized her face. She said she works on the cancer unit in the hospital and we had met a number of times before. She didn’t know it was me. I didn’t know it was her but it was really nice to formally be acquainted.
When we got to the yoga it was owned by another lady I knew. Kelly of Love Yoga Grace Studios and I got to see another beautiful face I haven’t seen a long time, Jaime from Angel Face Esthetics. She used to do makeup for me and my photoshoots for two of my past businesses. I was so happy to see their faces. Then I had the best yoga experience of my life. I have been doing yoga off and on for over ten years. This time was so different.
When I used to do yoga I would push through it like I was on a mission to make it the most painful experience imaginable. When I was done a “relaxing ” yin class, I was usually exhausted. If I had to do a pose I would make it the extreme of the stretch and I would sit there in pain for the longest period necessary. I was going to make myself zen if it killed me.
This time was different. I actually fell asleep in one of the poses. I heard her. She said take the pose to the bare limit. Until it is slightly uncomfortable and then relax and let your body and gravity work to allow the stretch happen. If it hurts then readjust and find your shape. I am sure the other yoga instructors have said this a hundred times before. The difference was I was ready to listen.
The thing about our brain is, we can’t hear what we don’t believe. If you don’t believe that we live in a good place with good people than it will give you evidence of that. If you believe that ice cream is bad for you than it will give you evidence of that. Our brains filter out anything that doesn’t make us right. Some people call it the new car effect. When ever we get a new car it seems like every one has the car. It is really just that we never really noticed the car until we went looking for it. When you buy a new car, you are looking for it in the parking lot, because it is new to you and bam everyone has your car.
Lately, I have been recognizing that a little pain or discomfort is necessary in life. It is what gets us to move forward. However, if we move forward with God’s guidance than fear becomes almost unnecessary, because he makes the things happen when you are ready for them and when you won’t feel too much fear.
For instance, he is picking my new foods to eat. I just listen. I was willing to control it by eating the ones I am most afraid of and God is saying no. You don’t have to feel uncomfortable. You just have to be willing to say yes when I am ready to give to you. This is exactly like the leaning into the uncomfortable yoga position. You don’t have to go to the extreme. Just the limit and the body and gravity will take the rest. What an amazing way to live.
Then I come home and get a phone call from Chris from the market, I met last week with Healthy Weight Loss Coffee, and he tells me about how he has been thinking of ways to help me and my family get donations. I am once again wowed by how the Universe has taken my words and brought people to help me get what I needed.
Finally, my husband had mentioned that he really wanted to go to the gym tomorrow, but he didn’t like going in the afternoons, and he still didn’t feel good about leaving me alone in the house. I was about to head to bed and I got a text from one of my dear friends, who asked if she could visit tomorrow. God to the rescue again. I am really getting to the point where I am questioning why I ever had doubts before. I recognize that it is really hard to give up control. I also know that it was really simply the idea that I could die any moment, that changed me from saying no to saying yes, but I don’t think it has to be that way. I think it is a choice, I am choosing to make everyday. Or at least I hope that is what it is, because this life is way better than anything I could have ever dreamed up. Now I just need to ask for an editor or a teacher to teach me simplifying my message and punctuation. 😉 So, namaste to you all and I really hope that you can enjoy the gifts of leaning into the uncomfortable, and letting God do the rest. All control ever got me was shin splints and muscle soreness. God Bless❤️