The other day I prayed to God that I believed one hundred percent that I could be healed. Then I asked to be healed. I am not sure what happened from there,but it feels like I was asked are you completely sure?!?.
As I wrote yesterday, I have been struggling with pain control, but it is more than that. It is almost like I am struggling with the pain versus reason to live. I had mentioned before, the key to life is that you choose life despite being in pain. Everyone has to face this.
There was a guy I read about named Nick Vujicic, who was born with no arms and legs. He said that when he was around 12, he had decided he was a burden to his family and he tried to drown himself in his tub. It didn’t work, but what came from it was a realization. He was stuck here. He could either live his life without limits or he could continue to be miserable every day. He chose to give his life over to God each day. Because of this, he was able to do amazing things. He has a house, a family, abilities to swim, skateboard and make breakfast for his family amongst so many other things. He lives every day in Joy. Or as far as I know. I don’t know him personally and I can only go by what he says, but if he has doubts that is understandable. This is not a win only world.
Vulnerability is what makes us human. I wake up every day with my prayer of gratitude to be alive and to be a light to others. But the past few days I have struggled with the pain. I have struggled with the fears. Fears that don’t even make sense to me anymore. Fears that are only there as a habit because essentially, if you are accepting of dying than you have nothing to be afraid of. Nothing really is going to surpass that. But the pain can make you guestion things. It makes you question if it wouldn’t be easier to lay down right now. It makes you question if anything is worth more than this. When I get like this I lean into God even more. I pray harder and I cry like a baby. Something I never did before. It is like God is trying to wash the past pain away.
Since this began, I have realized so much. I get inundated by thoughts all the time. Some are thoughts that held me back for so long. Thoughts like, money was scarce and could only be given by sacrifice and hard work.(I admit I still have a habit of this one and have to pray about it every day).
I had thoughts that over weight meant sick and that I live in a world that is scary. That food is bad and I am allergic to everything. So far, with the help of God, I have learned that people are amazing and that money is available to those who seek it. That I am not allergic to food and through God anything is possible. I am learning more about the habit of fear that keeps us where we are. I am learning that people are generally good and necessary for growth. I have learned that everyone has their own past that leads them to have debilitating thoughts. The only thing we can do is love them for who they are right now and keep letting them know their greatness. That’s all we can do. Eventually they may believe it.
However we fall sometimes. We forget our greatness. That is why there are so many of us. To pick one another up when that happens. So don’t be afraid to be vulnerable. Let people know, that love you, that you are scared, lonely, broke, sick, or just need someone to help you with something. But more importantly let God know first. Believe there are solutions to your dilemmas and let the solutions come to you. Right now I need solutions to my pain and fatigue. I need solutions to my teeth being so incredibly sensitive, solutions to our money defecit. Solutions to our time management and solutions to our food. It seems like a big order, but each of these things were easily taken care of before I got too sick to manage everything. God took me out of the picture, so that I could trust God and other people. I understand it, but it is hard some days. You don’t easily jump from control freak to being helpless. Especially when I am not completely helpless. However, everytime I try to take anything over without God’s help I tend to get pain or hospitalized. I don’t take this as a punishment, I realize it is me having to see that other people can help too. It’s just a harder lesson for me to learn.
So, if you are giving things up to change your life for the good. Please remember, you didn’t build those patterns in a day. Be kind to yourself and keep bringing it back to the source. You will get it and so will I . Then we will live reasonable happiness on this earth. And ultimate happiness after we are happily done on this earth. I hope everyone is having a wonderful pain free day. God Bless ❤️