Cancer has been an interesting experience for everyone involved. However, I don’t think anyone has been effected more than my husband. Over two years ago I got a rash over my whole body that was unexplainable. I was forced to get off of a medication called Latuda, that really was only making me a Zombie anyways. Shortly afterwards, I was in ER with a fever of 105 and pain all over my body. They thought it might be a severe reaction to the rash, but the on call doctor was also an oncologist who hesitated for a second. She mentioned that she could keep me for some further tests but they were over capacity and she mentioned going to my family doctor.(This moment btw probably saved my life later on, as it was her guilt that pushed to get me an Oncologist on time.) My husband was there and thoroughly upset. When you love someone you just seem to have instincts about things.
Jump ahead a year and I was given the possibility of breast Cancer, after jumping through many hoops to get there. It was a constant concern on our minds. I have the best doctor in the world but since she is the best, she is hard to get into. My symptoms were not showing as breast Cancer. They were more neurological. I was sent to a psychiatrist and put on a list for a neurologist. The only thing weird was the fever pain spells. When I finally got the word of breast cancer my husband was away at work.
He was our primary bread maker because I was too ill to work. I tried to find ways but I was stuck with this heaviness and what I thought was seasonal allergies that were extreme. When we found out it was breast Cancer my father came up from NS. , to help me get to my appointments while Ken worked.
I don’t know the exact date but, I was on the phone with my husband in the ER. I was sent their by a breast surgeon who found out I had a cough that wouldn’t stop. He said, “get in the ER right now, you could have a blood clot in your lungs”.
When I got there I was feeling ok. They gave me inhalers and oxygen. I was feeling fine. My husband calls me up and I say ” I am feeling great.” He kept asking me if he had to come home. I didn’t want him to have to leave if I was fine. You see love is funny. We always want what is best for the other person, not realizing how much they want the same for you. I am grateful for his love.
The doctor walks in about twenty seconds later and informs me, not only did I have 26blood clots in my lungs, but I have Stage four Cancer in my lungs, lymph, bone, and liver. I needed to be put on Chemo immediately and there were no available Oncologists.
I called up Ken and said you better come home. He was so scared he wasn’t going to make it home I couldn’t even imagine. They didn’t even guarantee the night. I had a friend leave her birthday party because she wasn’t sure she would see me again. It was a hard night.
Ken was sick with worry and I can honestly say, I have never seen him break down like he did when he pleaded for someone to give me an Oncologist. He left his work. He took me on all of my appointments. He learned to do procedures that fourth year nurses do. He gives needles. He has had to learn how to humble himself and ask for money, when he has worked his whole life. He has had to put up with the ups and downs of the medicines effects. He has had to make and bring food in to the hospital repeatedly, because they couldn’t feed me, or my mouth sores didn’t allow anything but liquids. He has literally been the reasons some days that I am still alive. I am more than blessed to have him.
All this, and he still has to wake up grateful day by day that I am alive because he knows that if I did die, he would have to take care of my girls without me. He fears that even more than all of the work, worry and pain. He tells me all the time he needs me to live and get better. My pain is his pain. It is often why I choose Joy. I want my family to be happy as much as he wants me to be.
I am writing this because it is my husbands birthday and he doesn’t get a big party like I am going to have. Although he deserves one. I ask him what he wants for his birthday and he says he wants me to have a painless Chemo. He is an amazing man and I can’t tell him enough. I am grateful to walk this life with him. I am grateful that he is my childrens father and I hope he has so many amazing birthdays to come. I wish that we will be able to do a trip to Alaska together to catch and fry a fish like he had always dreamed for us to do. Maybe next birthday. I am glad that I have been gifted with my incredible family and friends. Thanks for listening and if you see Ken today. Let him know what a stellar guy he is. Happy Birthday My Love. Thanks for listening.