One of the hardest lessons I have ever had to learn and relearn and relearn was letting go of the control of other people. I will repeat to myself as well as anyone who chooses to listen. We have only one person we can change and that is ourselves. This becomes very difficult when you watch people you love so much, do things to make themselves miserable. You talk to them without realizing that they can’t understand you because they are not ready to change. But we want so much to help. The thing is, they can’t understand, because they are not ready. So what can we do?
The best way to get through to people is not by words but example. The biggest fear I had when I was faced with accepting the possibility of dying, was that my kids would lose faith. If my God could move mountains and I died, than that either meant that I gave up or I didn’t believe. I could not have them believing either one. When I went to each of them they all assured me that they would not believe I would ever give up. They said I have been psycho driven for as long as I have been alive. If I died it was going to be purposeful and probably with me kicking and screaming. I felt peace with that. It made it easier for me to melt away my fears. I am not saying I don’t question dying every once in a while but I have peace knowing I left my children with the possibility of growing their faith. I believe every one needs a higher power to heal anything. It is the Grace of God that gives me the amazing gifts of people who help us out all the time.
Today I had a neighbor who saw a post on Facebook. She had never met me until recently to come buy one of our flower pots. Her and her husband and children went door to door in our neighborhood to collect bottles. I had my friend Crystal and her daughter and mine do the same. Crystal arranged the Cosmos truck to make things easier. I had neighbors and friends collect bottles for us. People I had met once or twice as well as old friends who really care for my and families well being go out of their way to help us out. It was just beautiful what happens when you have faith and other people who have compassion and love. It is incredible and I am just so appreciative. I genuinely love all of them so much. I would never want my family to not believe in the power of faith, God, people and the higher power that makes stuff like this happen.
Unfortunately, it is sometimes difficult to keep your faith when you have issues with control and fear. I have heard a saying that Fear stands for False Evidence Appears Real. Basically, everything we believe that is real that is not happening right now is made up. I know this might question your beliefs but you must understand where I am coming from with this. In the past year almost everything I believed as science or truth has been proven wrong.
I had 26 blood clots in my lungs and should have died the first night. Didn’t happen. I was a 1% chance of living past the first year. Didn’t happen. I healed my MS lesions in my brain from Chemo that is not medically able to cross the blood brain barrier. Impossible. Guess not?!? We have managed to live off of money that was supposed to be gone a few months ago, but have yet to make enough money in all our endeavours to actually make what would be a monthly bill payment let alone three. Impossible?!? I have physically grown and lost 100 lbs in months one of them 50lbs in less then two weeks. Not physically possible? I guess that is not truth either. As you can see, it is really hard for me to believe anything as a reality right now because at the moment I start to believe in it I am proven wrong. It is great for someone who needs to believe in miracles, but really difficult for me to believe anything is true. I really do bring just about everything to God. I have too. How else can I trust anything?
This was helpful for me in allowing to let go and have acceptance for other people. If I can’t change them I can be a light for them and hope that someday that they will choose to want to live in love and not fear. I can pray for them and I can lift up their good attributes. I can tell them how wonderful they are and what I love about them. If they hear it enough, than someday they may believe it and want to get rid of what is holding them back from Joy. In the meantime, I will continue to do the things necessary for myself to stay nestled in faith.
Lately, I was prompted to meditate everytime I felt pain, anxiety from steroid withdrawal, or the need to justify or prove myself right in any way. Basically I am meditating all day. 😂. However, all joking aside, I have found a much quicker response to my pain control and shutting down my anxiety response. I have done a meditation for 5 min that just had me breathe for 2 second inhalation and 4 second exhilation . It shut really did shut down the adrenalin response from anxiety. That is just one day. I figure in a couple weeks I should be pain free at this rate. I am definitely looking forward to that. So, tonight I meditate again and dream about how wonderful the world is and the people in it. I am so grateful to you all. I pray that all of you choose Joy and if you do not than I pray you have great roll models that will show you there is a better way to live. Thanks everyone for being so wonderful.