In a family there are generally roles. My husbands role was to make money, take care of the lawn and be the fun person in the house to allow the kids to have a little balance. My job was just about everything else . I did not realize how much my dynamic was in the house until I was forced to lose a number of my jobs and Ken had to take over a good portion of them.
He didn’t have a problem with the technical jobs too much. He was used to working. He has no problem surface cleaning the house. However, I don’t think we understand how many other important jobs people do in a household. Discipline, for instance. Discipline is a growing job that changes with the age of the kid. Ken left that to me unless the kid was going to kill themselves. This means their habit with him is basically bowl him over like a steam train. They also come to me to complain, ask for money and just about everything else. I don’t handle this stuff as much anymore because I am supposed to be focusing on healing. It makes the kids very frustrated. To be honest, the lack of control and schedule, is not my favorite either, but I know that I have to learn that lesson, so I let that one go.(Most Days anyways😉)
Another big role I play is the moral compass in our family. I am the one who turns my family to God. I may not be great at blessing the food but I am always about turning it over to God. I am all about meditation and all about gratitude. I say Thank You without even noticing. This in itself changed the energy in our home. Looking for good and shutting down bad is more important than some people think. You really do have to guard your mind, because whatever you believe you will continue to bring evidence of it. For instance, the other day my husband says “I read that sugar feeds Cancer”. I said “if you read medical journals, sugar feeds everything.” He really loves it when I talk.😅. I then informed him that I am currently on yeast medication that gives me severe headaches and makes it impossible for me too eat certain foods, as well as Chemo that makes it even more impossible to eat certain foods. I tell him, what I eat is basically whatever my body will allow. He doesn’t always like it when I challenge his thoughts, but I have to believe in other thoughts to heal. This mindset change is frustrating for Ken and often my 16 year old. He is not used to challenging anyone, let alone himself. I have to challenge any thoughts that won’t allow me to heal.
My youngest told me the other day that I was like the Alpha in the house. If I get down or messed up by medicine than the whole house goes into a depression. No pressure there?!!
The thing is I can’t always be on the ball. Nobody can. What would be the point in having other people on the earth if you were the ultimate human being who could do everything? We have to wax and wane. That way I can ask for help when I need support. The key is balance. Not doing everything but not doing too little. I didn’t realize how much I did. It was not balanced. Now I have to focus on what I can do and only add things incrementally.
In the last week a new med for yeast has shut me down a bit . I am not myself again, which by now is getting a bit tiresome, but I needed a few rest days. I am once again succumbing to low energy. I needed to rely on faithful happy people’s prayers. It made today a bit more bearable.
My husband, on the other hand , has to learn how to ask for help and stick with new jobs that seem daunting at first, but get easier over time. We are both being forced to grow very fast. The growing pains are hard to get used too. To help us I have been trying to use visualization. (Because, 15 meditations a day to get rid of pain is not enough 🙄). I am not trying to push myself, it is just very difficult to focus on other things when you feel crappy. I use you tube to visualize things like doing pull ups, yoga positions and cleaning the house. I know that sounds funny but there is a lot of science and spiritualism to this. Number one athletes in the world are often using this technique to win their perspective sports. I picture myself doing these things because in my mind, that is what health looks like.
I also watch Bora Bora videos. My youngest daughter said that if she had only one wish with me, it would be for us all to go to Bora Bora. When she was in grade 6, I believe, she had done a school project on Bora Bora and she has wanted to go ever since. It was not important to me before this but now it is more important to me than most things. It is weird how the perspective of time changes a bit when you are not sure how long that might be. My baby does not ask me for much. She is a stronger believer and sometimes my moral compass. I would like to give her the world if I had it to give right now.
I know there are many things I have to learn. I am not always sure of what I am doing and wether or not it is the quickest solution to getting over what is holding me back from growing. It is a day by moment process. I fail often. But by Grace I know I can apologize if I have harmed someone and move on to growing. I am still waking up and that means I am still growing. I am grateful.
If I could give anyone some wisdom I have learned it would be, life has pain but Joy comes in the morning if you choose it and if you are not on drugs. That one is a hard lesson learned for me. You can work with your brain, but it takes plenty of time and forgiveness. People are generally good and lifting them up is so worth it. Loving people is free. We are here to love ourselves and with the energy we give to ourselves we can spend serving others from the heart. Nothing is worth doing if your heart is not in it. I have learned you cannot change people. You can lift them up in words and prayers, that is all. Therefore, holding resentment for them being themselves is a futile waste of time and energy. Finally, I have learned that appreciation and gratitude is the best steps to Joy. We have so much to be grateful for. So much we take for granted everyday. I am grateful for all of you who listen to me and ask me how I am. I am grateful for the prayers when I am sick and the shares that help people Go fund me or do bottle drives. I am grateful for your propensity for Good. I am also grateful to be alive and for meditation that help with my pain. I hope you all have a great weekend. God bless ❤️