I heard a story about a lady who’s Mom bought her shoes that were too big when she joined track. She said she was at the starting line and she fell down because she didn’t fit into the shoes. She had to walk slowly because the shoes would make her trip. She said her mother taught her a lesson. We sometimes think we are ready for the big changes but God is holding us back for a reason. We are just not ready.
I am going to be honest. The last three weeks have been a great challenge. I want to write a book or do art, but when I try I get distracted and often fall asleep. I have been in tremendous suffering from different pains. One of them is so funny I actually talk to myself about it.
I get cramps all over my body. When it happens it is like my muscles are doing a torturous sit up. I tell myself ” thank you! I have always wanted six pack abs”. Now if I end up actually getting six pack abs from these cramps, I am not sure what I am going to think.😆.
The thing is. What I have found out in the last three weeks has been kind of an intense course in meditation and acceptance. When I said I was ready to heal, I was really put to the test. Healing didn’t just mean physical healing. I needed to do the mind work. That is so much more difficult than the involuntary Ab crunches I do five times a day. I have enough personal work to fill five books. Not one of them useful to anyone but me. I am seeing changes though. Bit by bit I see how my brain changes are bringing new experiences.
For instance, I have a huge brain training issue with control. I am a planner and I really feel the need to be doing something all the time. This is simply a habit. So, this party that was thrown for me, by Chris and Sandy, my new adopted Guardian Angels, would have caused me great stress. Why? Because I couldn’t control it for so many reasons, a great deal of them physical. I had to allow. I would not have done this before. My shoes were too big for me to be able to allow people to help me. When I was ready I was given the opportunity to change. I had the best day. I had no control and I recieved the best gifts.
I recieved the blessings of seeing friends I haven’t seen in a year. I am so grateful for that, because I think about them all the time since they moved away and we never get the chance to go visit. I am changing that though. Since ice fishing with them is part of my bucket list.
I got to see two ladies that I haven’t seen in years. One a beautiful childrens pastor whose talk with my daughter changed my whole perspective on forgiveness and sin. Another lady was an old acquaintance from our business days and I always quite loved seeing her. She was just a breath of fresh air and I looked for her in our business groups. I was very glad to hear her story.
I got the pleasure and gift of my best friends and the gift of meeting new people who just came to support Chris and me. Chris and his family are just beautiful people and I love them so much. Chris’s friends played guitar and gave me the most hopeful stories. The thing is, I would have missed out on this opportunity if I had not said yes or controlled it in any way. I needed my shoes to fit. I was not ready before the cancer to be this immersed in my life. My whole family wasn’t ready. My daughters said to me “this was so much fun”. “I was sad to leave”. Their shoes are fitting better now too.
I was asked once, if God gave you everything you ever wanted right now what would that look like? It would look like a huge mess is what it would look like. We all want the Million dollars, but if we really put things into perspective, not everyone really needs a million dollars to have what they really want. They mostly want experiences. They believe that if they have a million dollars then they will have security. Well there are teachers and government workers who have “security”. They want a fancy car. But you don’t have to have a million dollars to drive a fancy car. There are plenty of people with regular jobs who drive fancy cars. Also many car salesman drive them as well. I guess what I am trying to say is when you start to fit into your shoes. Meaning you have come to a growth place in your life where you are ready to run and not walk. You are ready for the big changes because you have worked on yourself and your mind. That is when you start to get the things that you want.
Most of us are simply not ready to let go of some our thoughts. We get angry or fight off pain. We have to be open to the change. This is why most lottery winners go back to being poor. They are not ready. Their not happy and they don’t realize what is holding them back is in their head’s. Eventually everybody goes back, unless the drive is strong enough or the mind is open enough. You must accept the discomfort of change. However, I know from experience. Once you do the work and allow God to heal you. The miracles and Joy are worth it. Joy comes in the morning most days. People show up, and God does things like, have your friend bring you a birthday present of a hat when you know that you forgot your sunscreen. I call those moments mini miracles. It is always God showing me that he is talking to other people and you are always taken care of.
Btw, the girl who said the story about the shoes, happened to be Mrs USA. She tried six times to win her pageants. She said she wasn’t ready. She had to learn so much about herself before she was ready for the responsibility of being Mrs USA. I know I may not look healed yet and the medicine is slowing me down. However, I know in my heart that I am being held back to learn what I need to learn to spring forward into my new healed life. I was sick for over 20 years. I may need some time to adjust to being a person who is well. I am grateful for the opportunity. And besides, I need enough time for my muscle cramps to make my six pack abs. 😉😆. God Bless ❤️ Everyone and thanks for listening.