I love my children. Biological, honourary and furbaby.

I love my kids. When I say I love my kids I don’t say it lightly and I don’t just mean the three that came out of my body. I mean my fur babies that overrun my house like a zoo.

I mean my kids friends that have been with us for so long they probably can’t even remember the first days they came to our house. I am and probably always have been a fierce Mom. I have knocked on a complete strangers house at 1 am in the morning to make sure that my son’s friend was present and accounted for. I have told off a woman who yelled at my son’s friend for no good reason because she was a bully and she had no business making an innocent kid cry. I have transformed the room of my daughter’s best friend because she dreamed to have her princess bedroom and I had the capabilities to do it. I do these things because I genuinely love these kids.

One of the most endearing moments for me was when I had been gifted some watermelon candy once. I put the candy on the counter top in the bag it came in when I was done. Another belief I have is mi Casa sous Casa (my house is your house). So when my daughter’s boyfriend came in and took a handful of candy from the watermelon bag, I felt so successful. Only someone who lived in my house, or was so comfortable that they felt free of repercussions, would take candy from a bag laying on the cupboard. It was obvious to me that this boy felt completely comfortable in my home. I have always wanted that kind of home. A place where people felt safe to be themselves and completely taken care of. I feel like kids and animals should feel truly loved. Everyone should feel loved , of course, but the more innocence the more they should be taken care of.

That leads me to my kids. I love my kids more than anything in the world. They are truly the reason why I am still alive today. When the doctor said I would probably die the first night over the blood clots in my lungs, all I could think about was my kids being without me for the rest of their lives. I couldn’t do that. When my son, Cole, broke his ankle, I was going through a temporary seperation with my husband.  I still stayed a week in the hospital on a pull out chair so that he would not have to suffer alone. I got a babysitter for my son so my middle daughter, Emily, could do dance with me. I wanted her to always feel included so she would not have any middle child issues.😂(I t didn’t work btw) I was a crazy Mother. When my baby girl, Danielle, was born, I spent a week in the hospital almost dying from a hemorrhage. I refused to die and have my baby live without a mother. I would literally do anything for my kids. So when my son gave me this amazing Christmas gift I was so filled with confused emotions I didn’t know what to do.

My son, Cole, started acting different towards me when he turned about 15. Before that we were friends. We had dates, we went to yoga together, and he would show me all of his new skateboarding moves. He talked to me and I thought he liked to do that. He always acted like he enjoyed my company and I loved him to the moon and back.😄 When he hit teenage hood I couldn’t relate to him. I wanted to so badly. I yearned for the days that I could sit and chat like we used to, but it seemed like we were strangers. He said things that made me feel like he may have known me or possibly longed for the same relationship, but there was just somethings I did that made him angry when we talked. He always assures me that he loves me but he does things that make me realize he is exasperated by me. Its weird. How can you love someone so much and still not seem to be able to get along? This Christmas Cole got us an amazing gift. Every year for almost ten years, we would go to Canmore and rent a time share condo. This year, due to Ken having to stay home and take care of me,made it impossible for us to financially rent the room.

Cole moved out a year ago  and has been doing really well on his own. Ken and I have been so proud of his progress with work and his side business of snowboard waxing. He is a man now and doing really well for himself. I didn’t know how well but when he offered us that mini vacation I was stunned. Cole was never big on gifts and this was a big gift. Then finding out that he thought of it himself made me feel like maybe I didn’t do too bad as Mom. Maybe he did have some good memories of us when he was younger. You see, I have been afraid that all he remembers is the illness. I sometimes doubt if I did right by my kids. There is no manual for this parenting thing and I am sure I screwed up more than once. I just wanted them to feel happy and loved. When he gave me that gift I thought maybe he did feel that way. 0 I just want so much to have the time so that I can have a beautiful close relationship with all of my children. Even the honourary ones. The cancer scares me sometimes for this reason. It is hard having time hang over your head like an invisible ticking time bomb. Someday, I believe, that I will have our Christmas time in Canmore and I will have all of my children with me. Their families will be there too. I see us all going tubing or who knows, maybe I will try snowboarding. I can ski just enough to be dangerous.😉

Even though this was the first year without Cole in Canmore, we had such a marvelous time. We laughed and played games. We shopped and had amazing homeade fondues. We had our honourary kid Destiny with us. It was just a wonderful way to spend time with the ones we love. My son, my sister and my Mom took care of our fur babies for us. It was just so wonderful and I am just so grateful for it.

My next favorite thing came when my fur children came home so full of love. My cat was so bad when we were gone. She managed to rip open a whole bag of treats that my Mom and Step Dad got her. Between her and the other two cats they had a cat treat feast. The whole house now smells of really rancid gas. I am glad there are no smokers in the house. One lighter spark and I am sure we will go up like a firework. The cats also decided to tear open the Skinny pigs food and leave trails through out the upstairs. My sister informed me that the new puppy, Dixie, has a new game of swing the tail of the Cheetzy Bear. My poor little Grand Doggy is going to be tailless soon if we don’t curb that behavior. It looks like I have some teaching to do. Which I am grateful for as well. Puppies keep you young. So basically I had the best trip with the best people. I was gifted that trip from the best Son. I had spending money from the best most generous people for Christmas and I am forever grateful to everyone. May you all be as blessed as I have been. Thanks for listening and have the most amazing New Year and New decade. Great things are coming and as my daughter keeps telling me” this is the first year that people who have prescription glasses can say they see 2020”. 😂Lol God Bless❤️