I recently was given a wonderful new meditation guide called “F” That. I must admit my meditation practice has been a little lax lately. Something I must get better at. I need meditation and this meditation is only two minutes of highly inappropriate content which makes it very funny. I think it is a great way to straighten your thoughts out and put you back on track.
Lately I have had cancer growth. This means that I am becoming immuned to my Chemo. This is a no brainer in the States. If one Chemo doesn’t work, they just put you on another one. In Canada it doesn’t work that way. We have a maximum amount of Chemotherapy drugs they can use here that you do not have to pay for out of pocket. A general Chemo treatment can run you around 10 thousand plus for cost. This should not be a problem because we are in Canada and Chemo is free right? Wrong. You can only have the Chemo that the government allows. This means you run out of options if you have a metastatic cancer like my own. Today the doctor tried to explain to me that I should stay on the Chemo that is not working because it is working a little bit and really I am only biding time anyways. Basically she informed me that my best option is to go on the Chemos for as long as I can because I only have two more options left. Yes , nothing starts your day off well than to hear you need to stay on the non working chemo because your other options are no Chemo and death. This goes with radiation as well. This does not make your morning. I have spent the whole day ruminating over the injustice of our system that puts a cap on a 43 year old mother’s life. I am also very worn out on Oncologists telling me I am dying. My days are numbered. Get it through my thick head I am supposed to die already. This is not only redundant, it is actually irritating. Isn’t my doctor supposed to be searching for ways for me to live? Don’t they take something called a Hypocratic oath that says they are bound to save my life. Or does that only apply if I fit within the government regulated medication restrictions? However, I am not going to get myself started again because it took me most of the day to calm down from this in the first place.
Another lovely addition to my wonderful day, was the prearranged spaying of my little deaf spit fire Dixie bird. In our house, we believe that despite how cute puppies are, we are not responsible animal owners if we don’t spay or neuter our babies, so that they don’t add to the millions of babies that need homes already. When Danielle got her puppy she actually used her Christmas money to get Dixie fixed. Even though it is the right thing to do, it is still hard to watch a poor baby suffer. They sent her home with a cone on, so today I made her some operation pjs so she didn’t have to wear it long. It was so sad. She was traumatized because she woke up alone and this would be particularly rough on a deaf dog. I just felt horrible for her. She shook for an hour after she got home. Cheech kept jumping up to kiss her face. It was cute and sad at the same time. Dixie was not a great fan of wearing fitted pjs but I think it was bit better than the cone of shame.😢.
Needless to say, after this fiasco of a day, I will be doing my very needed meditation and I will be heading to bed in hopes that the new trial drug shows up in time for me to not be put to pasture. I wouldn’t mind waking up cured and a millionaire so none of this crap will have to effect me or my family ever again. I am just saying, if anyone feels like doing something amazing with their lotto winnings or unexpected inheritance. I am always open to donations of life saving medications. Yes not my nicest or most positive post but sometimes you just have to say ”F” That! (My sad attempt at punny humor) Blessings everyone ❤️ Have a much better day than I. 😊