When it rains it pours.

It has been a weird week! I recieved a bunch of news that would be considered terrible to most, but I am a believer in something bigger than myself, so I am grateful for my faith. We were given notice that I was removed from AISH ( Assured Income for the Severely Handicapped ) for a clerical misunderstanding. They informed us that we probably wouldn’t have been accepted from the beginning of they had they figured it out in the beginning. Because of this, I was not only taken off of subsistence, but I was also handed a $10400.00 bill and we lost our family health coverage. As you all may know, due to my side effects of the cancer meds, I am still not able to run a household. Also our only money comes from donations, some fund raising done with the help of my wonderful neighbors and some sales of t shirts and paintings. Due to the AISH shutting us down we were also informed that my stair rail lift was also declined from another agency and I also lost my CPAP machine that was helping me sleep. Therefore, I can no longer look forward to taking regular baths or showers, when my neuropathy makes me sort of paralysed on my feet and hands, and sleeping will again be a challenge. I get to do sponge baths unless I get help up the stairs by someone. The stairs on a good day are quite difficult for me. Due to all of this Ken had to go back to work. We are literally down to the last of our money and all of our credit cards are almost maxed. We owe money to what seems like everyone. It seems so very hopeless.

I also received a phone call today that informed me I was taken off of the trial list for an immunotherapy drug. Apparently I don’t have the genes they are looking for called BRCA1 and BRCA2. This is good news for one reason. It means I may not have a genetic component that would have passed to my children. However, it also means I am back to a life of Chemo until Canada passes the immunotherapy here for my Cancer. It is used for some treatments but not my class of Cancer. Which was the reason why we started the markets to begin with. So I could possibly pay the $17000.00 a month for the treatment. I guess that never really in the cards. We were unable to make $1000 a month let alone $17000.

My husband has been angry over this. I understand his emotions. Canada may be a free health care system but it doesn’t account for all of the extra strains it cost people that many people wouldn’t even think of. I am not angry. I was sad for a moment and overwhelmed with it all coming at once, but I realized that this is just one more chance to believe.

I believe that God will give us the people we need to help me run the house without ruining myself. I believe that the money will sort itself out somehow. I believe that I will be able to get up the stairs by myself eventually. Already I found a couple of knee braces that help me do the stairs a little easier and my neuropathy has been mild lately. I believe that people will pick me up if I fall and call 911 if necessary. I believe my kids will step up and help out more. I believe that I will get strong enough that I will forget that the Cancer exists. I believe if God wants me to take the medicine to heal me than the money will show up or the cure will somehow.

I think this may be a great opportunity to allow others to give to me. I know that sounds selfish, but I get great Joy from giving, I would not want to take that opportunity away from others. I guess what I am saying is these hardships may be the push my family and I need to change. Our house has become deep in depression lately because I have had to sleep a lot. They are not used to seeing me like this. I am becoming worse at hiding my pain. I know I shouldn’t do that but I hate seeing my family worried and sad. So I have become accustomed to not expressing how sick or in pain I really feel. However, the med withdrawals have made it impossible not to see what is going on with me because I am not eating, I am crying, and I am throwing up. You can’t hide those things easily. I know I am getting better though, because I can eat a little more each day. That is why no matter how scared Ken is about leaving me alone sick, he has the hope that I am getting better.

I heard the other day, if you are breathing than you have a purpose on this Earth. I hope that also means that if I live my purpose than everything else will be taken care of. So I will find my happy place. I will keep waking up and I will live my purpose, what ever that might be. I am still not entirely sure about that yet. There is no reason to hold on to any anger over things I have zero control over. I will continue to have faith and believe. God Bless ❤️ Everyone. I wish you all great Health, Wealth and Prosperity.

PS: This is my Go fund me page. Any support that is given is much appreciated and goes towards helping my family survive and fight for a cure that is not yet available to me in Canada. My goal is to live and this medicine is the only known treatment that puts woman with Triple Negative Breast Cancer into remission. Thanks again for all of your support and Prayers

PS2:To help my family make money we sell a health product that I support because it helps me have coffee again without being sick. This Healing coffee is akaline and has nutrients in it. I also use some of the detox stuff to help with the Chemo. If you are interested in helping and enjoying a healthy coffee please check out our company website. Thanks so much for your support and God Bless ❤️😊

Give it away

Something that is taught in almost all of the different religions and spiritual teachings, yet seems the most difficult thing to do is giving . That means giving away stuff, time and money. We have it in our heads that we deserve what we have. We paid our dues. We worked hard. Why shouldn’t we enjoy the fruits of our labors? Why should we share? It’s the deserve word that really messes things up for us. What do we really deserve anyways? Does a starving child in Africa deserve their fate? Does a young woman in an abusive relationship deserve her beatings? Does a mother with children and a husband deserve to be poor, battling Cancer, and have a family dealing with depression and anxiety ? There has been so many things happening over the last few weeks, you would wonder if I was Hitler in my former life. The thing is God believes we all deserve love. So than why are there so many people suffering? I believe it has something to do with our belief that things belong to us and we are not interested in giving what we “own” away.

I had two amazing Grandmothers. Nanny Mercer and Nanny Doyle. These women would and have given their last dime away to someone who needed it more than them. My Nanny Doyle was so poor that she had to make crochet potholders with donated wool to have her children sell for food. She always ate last. If there was nothing left she would starve.

My Nanny Mercer left her husband because he hurt one of her children. This was when there was no social assistance programs. She worked two jobs to make sure her children were fed and clothed. She exhausted herself to keep her children safe from abuse. This was a woman who grew up in an orphanage. She was never cared for by a parent who loved her. So she spent as much time as she could, doing for her kids what she didn’t have. She even fed the neighbors kids homeade fudge because she wanted them to have treats as well.

Nanny Mercers favorite thing was Christmas. In fact both my Nannies adored Christmas. Nanny Mercer would save up every cent she had to make sure everyone had presents. We would play cards and eat everything you could imagine. She made about 9000 dollars a year and probably spent a quarter of it on Christmas. She also did something I never forgot. She would give money away at Christmas. Why would a woman that had absolutely minimal money give money away? I asked her about it when I was older and she told me that tithing was a rule by God. Money doesn’t belong to you it belongs to God for his purpose. That is why she gave stuff away all the time. If you wanted it and she had it, it was yours.

My other Grandmother was the same. If she had it to give she would do her best to give it to you. I believe neither one of them deserved the poverty life. Their hearts deserved a mansion with maids and errand boys that fed them grapes. But alas, less than ten percent of the population owns 90 percent of the wealth and they were not that 10 percent. Each one of those ladies deserved way more than gold, but they were content with their families being happy and taken care of. They were happy to give it all away for love.

One of the best experiences of my life was when I somehow convinced my Nanny Mercer to come to my home in Alberta. She wouldn’t fly, so I had to buy her train tickets. She had a stop in Toronto over night so I put her in a hotel with a king sized bed. She had never slept in a bed that big in her life. I called her when she was there and she told me she needed to go swim in her gigantic bed. When she got here she told me about foods she always wanted to try so I gave her everything she wanted. She literally had cheesecake every night for a week. She had her photo taken at West Edmonton Mall.

She had never been so happy in her entire life. When she was in West Edmonton mall we rented her an electric wheelchair. I swear in about twenty minutes of learning it she was driving like a drag car racer. She was giggling as she nearly pushed people into the water. It was one of the best weeks of my life and I wished that I could have done the same with my Nanny Doyle. That year we had passed on our own vacation to make my Nannies dream come true. She had never been on a vacation outside of Nova Scotia because she was afraid of planes. I would pass up all of the vacations if I could make people that happy. It was like the more I gave to her the happier I was.

Through out my life I have made it a point to give. Give of my time, my money, my food and sometimes my home. I do this because I believe that we are not deserving of anything. We are blessed by it. This is why I can be grateful, even when there doesn’t seem to be much to be grateful for. There always is something if you pay attention. I just wish the world would understand this. If we all gave away what was needed to other people, we would not only see a world without hunger, but also a world that had an abundance of love. Because, when you give it away with love in your heart, the joy that comes back to you is so much bigger. So if you are given the choice to hold on to what you feel you deserve or give it away to someone who needs it more, I suggest you give it away. It will be worth it I promise. Giving is the gift that keeps on giving . Thanks for giving me your time and consideration. God Bless❤️

As always, our Go fund me page. Any support given is much appreciated. Thanks again for your support 😊

If you want to try the Healing challenge with me or if you like the looks of any of our products than please visit our website. Thanks so much for your support 😊

Like war veterans with our scars.

Today I met some amazing women at a bridal shop by Superstore. The ladies were incredible with my daughter, helping her pick out her grad dress and they were also just generous lovely ladies. The one lady, who I assume was the owner, introduced me to one of her workers who was on her fourth year of Chemotherapy from lymphoma cancer. She told me that she has gone through four Chemos, multiple radiation therapies and two bouts of stem cell transplants. I was truly excited to meet her.

The thing that makes me excited the most about these encounters is for a little bit I don’t feel alone. I have not met too many people who were currently on Chemo. It was so refreshing to hear her pause when she was talking. I try to explain this to people but nobody can understand it in the way this girl would. I told her I was just in love with the way she talked like me. She said the Chemo brain. She told me that she was once talking to her father and she paused for a moment and forgot everything she had said before that moment. It was incredibly refreshing to know that it was possibly Chemo that made me this way and not brain damage. She then mentioned that she even lost her ability to do simple math. I was so grateful for that comment that I high fived her. She must have thought I was crazy. However, I had tried to explain this to my family and they had a hard time believing it. It is not all the time. Sometimes I can remember how to do math but sometimes I can’t. Then I mentioned Steroids and she said Roid Rage. I was in love. The thing is it is hard doing this alone sometimes. I am not alone, alone. It is just, the TNBC Facebook sights can be hard to read. A lot of people die on that site within a very short time. Because a lot of people are in the States, Britain and Australia, I read about a lot of people going into remission from treatments that I am unable to get in Canada. I don’t have the relatability with that experience. I have this lovely breast cancer survivor, who takes me to yoga with her, but her experience was quite different than mine as well. This girl was not the same Cancer but completely relatable. It was like talking to an old war veteran. You may not know each other but you have the same scars.

I was amazed that she could still be going through treatments and working. It gave me hope. I love my people. I have beautiful people in my life, friends,family,and Social Media. Some of the most incredible support I have received have been from people I have never even met. No one person less important than the other.

I told a friend a story today about my part in a God moment and she said I had a special soul. I told her that God puts people in places for his purpose. I just try to listen. That is the whole truth. I try to listen to my heart as much as I can. It wasn’t until recently I realized that listening to God, your intuition, or what ever you want to call it, is a muscle that we can train and excercise. I am grateful for the chance to hear God better. It has been a real blessing to listen to my heart and have so many amazing moments with so many amazing people. I am glad I listened to my heart today and went to put a payment on my daughters beautiful grad dress. Never underestimate your power to make someone’s day. We are all very special human beings worthy of all the love we tend to forget to give ourselves. I am grateful for you all. Never take for granted that little voice inside of you, it may just lead you to a wonderful gift. Thanks for being a gift to me. God Bless ❤️

As always, our Go fund me page. Any support given is much appreciated. Thanks again for your support 😊

If you want to try the Healing challenge with me or if you like the looks of any of our products than please visit our website. Thanks so much for your support 😊

What I have learned about Steroids.

For the past what seems forever I have been weaning off of a Steroid drug called Dexamethasone. It is a strong steroid usually only used for brain swelling from tumors or radiation. I started the drug a year and a half ago when I began Chemo. I only used a small dose of it every three weeks to stop the side effects of taking two fairly strong Chemotherapy drugs. I never really noticed the effects of it, except when I went off of it, I was completely sick and unable to move for approximately three days. When I went on it again in April, it was for a severe headache that turned out to be brain swelling from a brain tumor on my cerebellum.

I was placed on the highest dose they could give me to get the brain swelling down. The effect was absolutely amazing. First thing that happened was I woke in the hospital with an extra 25 lbs and a chipmunk face that I could not even recognize.

The first photo was a few days after the Dex. The last three were just a month or so before.

The Dexamethasone at full dose was absolutely the best I had ever felt in my life. I had zero pain and I was so full of Joy I was bursting. My brain was clear and I was getting so many messages of peace and compassion I could not explain. I was truly happy for about three weeks. Then I had to wean off of it and that’s when the nightmares began. With every decrease I became more and more crazy. By crazy I mean genuine certifiable, I probably should have been committed. I was getting angry with my husband. Then I would burst out crying for no reason. I actually took a bat to a yoga mat because I was so angry and I didn’t want to hurt anyone. All the pain came back and I ended up with neuropathy so bad I couldn’t walk or hold things in my right hand. My feet were numb and pins and needles like I had slept on them wrong.

I got down to my final dose and that was when the proverbial shit hit the fan. I literally threw up for six hours straight, non stop, every 15 min. Then I threw up and or slept for ten days. I did not eat for ten days either. My doctor’s insisted that I go back on it and try to wean slowly again. I am finally off of it but I am still having the psychotic effect in the afternoon when the cortisol levels are low.

For every bit of this weaning withdrawals process I have been learning more about my sickness. The first thing that baffled me was the weight. I climbed fifty pounds in a month. I was not eating normally and at the beginning I was starving. It was great though because the Steroids purpose is to remove inflammation. For the first time in my life I could eat without feeling sick. I was in heaven. I ate all the foods. Even hot and spicy foods I haven’t eaten since I was a teenager. When I weaned down I was no longer eating and all the pain of eating came back.

I began to realize that it was possible that all my sickness from when I was a teenager was caused by inflammation. It started to make sense now. I couldn’t lose weight, I was crazy during pms, I was sick from eating all the time and eventually I was allergic to everything. Also, I had arthritis in my shoulder and both my knees. My body was under attack all the time and I didn’t have the natural steroids to fight it.

I started to do some research to help me wean off the steroid and I found a few things that I hoped would work. One was a supplement called Sam- e which works like a hormone replacement. Another one was an anti-inflammatory called tumeric, as it seems the inflammation response is most to blame for all of the pain. I was suggested aloevera for my stomach and a product called more plus detox that helped me eliminate the drugs faster. I succeeded, thank goodness, and was able to get off of the steroids without vomiting for a week.

I am grateful that I was able to find a few fixes but I am also grateful that I figured out some of the inflammation/cortisol information as well. I found out that the keto diet actually increases cortisol output by three times. This means if I can stay on the ketogenic diet I may be able to heal some of the hormone issues that might have caused all of the illness in the first place. I found out that the Sam-e actually boosts the effects of one of the other drugs I am on called gabapentin, which takes away the neuropathy. That is a big deal because it means I can walk and use my hands.

I am writing this blog because I was hard pressed to find much information on how to get off of the Steroids and I am quite sure there are others who may be struggling like I was. I hope that they get better information on withdrawals and how to manage them. It is hard enough to deal with Chemo than to have to also deal with the side effects of withdrawals. I also hope that others who have mystery illnesses like mine was, are able to use some of the cortisol/inflammation information to help themselves figure out some solutions. I really think this link should be studied more. Especially with those who have fibromyalgia. I was surprised of the effect of the Sam-e on the neuropathy. It may just help with the neurological pain from fibromyalgia. Either way I am grateful for the ability to walk some now. As always I appreciate your allowing me to share my journey. God Bless ❤️ and happy health to all of you.

If you want to try the Healing challenge with me or if you like the looks of any of these products than please visit our website. Thanks so much for your support 😊

As always, our Go fund me page. Any support given is much appreciated. Thanks again for your support 😊

If I had a million dollars.

When I began studying myself, the first question that always came up was what would you do if you had a million dollars? The premise, of course, is to eliminate the need for money. We are slaves to our thoughts about money. It blinds us from our true selves. More often than not we settle. We use coping skills to allow us to drudge along in jobs that we may sort of like, but really don’t love, in order to get by. Not a great way to live, but we do have some good times, so we justify it and move on day to day. Most of us don’t have a clue who we really are.

That is the point of the million dollar question. To think past the money and get to know what you really love. When I was first asked the question I had a hard time figuring things out about me. I wanted stuff. New mansion, a house keeper and a chef. A fancy car and my husband home from work so that I might do something more than gym stuff and Mom stuff. I loved doing things for my kids but I was not feeding myself very well. My life did not have a lot of relationship with anyone, let alone God. I was a very busy, over tired, over stressed, lonely Mom. I had kids stuff to do and some local acquaintances but I did not put myself out there. I did gym as medicine. I was afraid to call people because I didn’t want to bother them. It was a weird mindset. I was afraid of relationships. After doing a lot of self help work that consisted of meditation, yoga, Mentor’s and some seminars. I was able to change my answer to the million dollar question and now it is very different. If I had a million dollars :

  1. I would want to help people, but I don’t want to be overwhelmed by the sadness that can come from that. Basically I want to do what I am doing now but in a bigger scale. Maybe a vlog and of course finish the book. Possibly I would like to do public talks and volunteer.
  2. I would help people like me, who need money for their cure, money to live and pay the crazy excess expenses that nobody should have to worry about when they are struggling to heal from Cancer.
  3. I would go to Bora Bora with my kids and husband.
  4. I would take a cooking class or two with my daughter to learn how to make delicious healthy meals
  5. I would learn to play the piano and guitar
  6. I would relearn french and maybe spanish
  7. I would go back down to the Maritimes and visit my family.
  8. I would help my husband build his MLM company and go to the seminars.
  9. I would go to Las Vegas and give money to the homeless, because when I was there for my Dad’s wedding, I didn’t have any change to give this woman who was begging with her child. It broke my heart not to give to her. I promised myself that someday I would make sure I gave her as much as I could or at least someone like her.
  10. I would pay off my bills,buy my husband a truck and my kids reliable vehicles.
  11. I would pay for my cure.

I am sure this is probably more than a million dollars now, but basically this is who I am. Without the worry or concern of money, I look at this list and I see a woman who doesn’t want things as much as experiences. That is a lot different than a mansion and a maid. Honestly, I wouldn’t mind help, but I would much rather have time together with friends and family, doing amazing things and having amazing experiences. A house is a place you lay your head, but a home is a place you lay your heart. My home may not have a tonne of fancy stuff but it has my heart which is my family. That is enough. Oh and my tub. That is very important 😉.

I hope you will ask yourself what you would really want to do if you were financially secure. I hope it changes your perspective on life. I may barely be able to pay for food and some essentials right now but I know it won’t always be like that. My job is to keep the faith and continue to have dreams to concentrate on. I don’t need a million dollars to keep blogging. I may not need the money to find the cure. I will someday be able to take music lessons and there are even apps for that. I may just need time. It is funny how this excercise puts some things into perspective. Feel free to share your list if you want or just share it with yourself. You may find that you are already very grateful for your life and all you need is to realize what you really need to be happy is right within your reach. I wish you all a beautiful life with many joyful experience’s. I also wish that everyone could be financially secure, so that everyone could see what is really important in their lives. God Bless ❤️

As always, our Go fund me page. Any support given is much appreciated. Thanks again for your support 😊

If you want to try the Healing challenge with me or if you like the looks of any of our products than please visit our website. Thanks so much for your support 😊